Our family dog, Luna died at the beginning of the year. We knew the end was near the last few weeks of her life and each one of us grieved in our own way. My 9 year old son connected with Luna and me several times to cry and release his sadness. The day I took her to the vet for the last time both boys gave her a big hug and said their goodbyes.
This was my 3 year old's first experience with death and it took several weeks for him to come to his own understanding. The first few weeks after Luna died he continued to speak about her in the present tense and I would remind him that Luna had “died” and in various different ways try to convey that her body was no longer with us but her spirit was off living on another adventure. But it was clear he didn’t really get it.
One morning as we headed out the door he noticed that the pumpkin that had spent several months on the stoop was gone. I explained that it had started to rot and I’d thrown it in the compost pile. He wanted to know more so I explained that basically the pumpkin had died and was now spending time with the worms being broken down so that the seeds inside could get into the dirt and later this spring they would start to grow into another pumpkin vine and eventually grow more pumpkins. That sounded pretty fascinating so he tested out the idea as we drove through town. Looking out the window he asked about the things he saw,
This was my 3 year old's first experience with death and it took several weeks for him to come to his own understanding. The first few weeks after Luna died he continued to speak about her in the present tense and I would remind him that Luna had “died” and in various different ways try to convey that her body was no longer with us but her spirit was off living on another adventure. But it was clear he didn’t really get it.
One morning as we headed out the door he noticed that the pumpkin that had spent several months on the stoop was gone. I explained that it had started to rot and I’d thrown it in the compost pile. He wanted to know more so I explained that basically the pumpkin had died and was now spending time with the worms being broken down so that the seeds inside could get into the dirt and later this spring they would start to grow into another pumpkin vine and eventually grow more pumpkins. That sounded pretty fascinating so he tested out the idea as we drove through town. Looking out the window he asked about the things he saw,
“Look at the trees Mama, what happened to the leaves?”
“The leaves died and are now getting down into the ground and feeding the worms and making the soil healthy. Later the tree will grow new leaves.”
“The leaves died and are now getting down into the ground and feeding the worms and making the soil healthy. Later the tree will grow new leaves.”
“Look at the ice Mama, what’s happening?”
“Yes, the ice is melting, changing back into water. It’s like its dieing and changing into another way of living.”
“Yes, the ice is melting, changing back into water. It’s like its dieing and changing into another way of living.”
On and on he asked about the signs of death he saw out the window until he commented,
“Just like Luna.”
“Yes, just like Luna. Her body died but her spirit continues to live in another way.”
“Just like Luna.”
“Yes, just like Luna. Her body died but her spirit continues to live in another way.”
After testing the theory out with a few more questions he said,
“I think I too will die someday.”
“I think I too will die someday.”
He spoke so simply and clearly it caught me off guard. I looked back at him in the rear view mirror as he continued to look out the window completely open, content, and at peace with the concept. Nature in all her straightforward wisdom and closed loop systems had taught him about death free of cultural baggage and complex language. I think we'll take our big life questions outside sooner next time!
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